Why I’m a Relationship Person Forever
Our relationships are our mirrors. If we’re paying attention, they’ll tell us the work we most need to do on ourselves. What we’re triggered by in others, what we’re drawn to in others, and what we avoid in others are clues to the maps of our hearts - the key to discovering where our most tender wounds lie, and what we ultimately need in order to heal them. Still, when you consider the most significant relationships in your life, you might not immediately think about those that have caused (or still cause) discomfort or dis-ease.
But some relationships show us where our wounds are, and others help us heal them. Some might even do both.
In work and in life, my most challenging, frustrating, and gut-wrenching relationships have been my greatest teachers. They’ve dropped painful, sometimes jarring knowledge, and have revealed to me where I was holding on to control, where I needed to be right, where I was insecure, where I needed external validation, and where I was disconnected.
And then some relationships help us heal. In work and in life, my healthiest, most secure and most committed relationships have also been guides. They’ve held my hand as I’ve learned how to love, how to receive, how to trust, and how to give. That doesn’t mean they’ve been free of conflict - quite the opposite. In fact, through that conflict, they’ve shown me how to be wrong, how to be soft, how to hold space, how to move through, and how to keep coming back.
Sometimes the most challenging relationships can also be the healers. Admittedly, it’s not easy, and requires reciprocal vulnerability, commitment, and courage. It often requires support form a coach or another third party. But it’s possible, and where some of the deepest learning and change lies. Some of my learning has looked like this:
As I’ve softened my approach towards others, I’ve been softer towards myself.
As I’ve accepted others’ limitations, I’ve made space for my own limits.
As I’ve witnessed others’ wholeness, I’ve seen myself as more whole too.
As I’ve listened more deeply to others, I’ve been able to listen more intuitively to my inner voice.
As I’ve deepened into empathy and connection, I’ve been more compassionate and loving towards myself.
In a world that tries hard to keep us disconnected from each other, tending to and examining our relationships is an act of self-love and compassion just as much as it is an act of compassion towards others. That’s why I’m a relationship person - forever.
Let your relationships teach you (and them), frustrate you (and them), challenge you (and them), and yes - change you (and them). Let them help make you (both) who you were meant to be. We’re in it together.
